kashshaptu (kashshaptu) wrote in antigackt,

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Newbie bearing gifts!

Hi! New here! I like some of Gackts song, I don't completely hate him, but it's just toooo damn funny to mock him!!:D So here I am, HI!^_^ I hope to mock Gackt together with you for the next 400 years of his existence. I was inspired by a few things I read here and at the Jrockhumor community (yeah somethings are shamelessly stolen) and I decided to write a nice Harry Potter, with J-rockers, story with it. It's also to take revenge on a friend (who loves Harry Potter) who wants to Photoshop my beloved Toshiya in something awful (yeah, I'm a fangirl when it comes to Toshiya, although I'm not as psychotic as the Gackt-dears -_- THEY are SCARY!) So here it goes, the Harry Potter J-rock Adventure

A Harry Potter j-rock parody fic


Harry - Hyde (L'arc~en~ciel)
Hermoine - Shinya (dir en grey)
Ron - Die (Dir en grey)
Dumbledore - Yoshiki (x-japan)
Voldemort - Gackt (malice mizer/GacktJOB)
Fairy helpers - Toshiya (Dir en grey)/Miyavi
McGonagol - Mana (malice mizer/Moi Dix Mois)
Deatheaters - GacktJOB
Dobbey - Kyo (Dir en grey)
Snape - Kaoru (Dir en grey)

On a sunny, shiny day somewhere in the year 1604...

Random happy people: And we shall name him....Gacktemort!
Gacktemort: *cries while his umbilicillcord is cut*

We witnessed the birth of what later will be Lord Gacktemort the 400 year old vampire...

sooo to the year 2004...

Gacktemort: I have risen again!! I don't know why I slept for 400 years, but today seems like a good day to plan Hyde Potters demise!! *evil cackle without moving his botox-muscles*

We go to the J-roc...I mean Hogwarts academy to listen to Professor Mana say welcome to the new batch of students attending Hogwarts this year...


*coughs can be heard*


Yoshiki: So *awkward cough* >_>;; you've heard Mana, go to your dorms and prepare "coughDIEPOTTERcough" for the first class, which will be held by professor Kaoru! ^_^

Hyde Potter: o_O;;
Die weasly: Don't worry, nothing is wrong, he was just reffering to us being in the same room! We will find out later on that he was possessed by the allmighty lord Gacktemort all along!
Hyde Potter: o_O;;

Shinya Granger: hi! we are in the same dorm, let's walk together! *wink*
Die Weasly: O_O OMG teh love! *whispering to hyde; why is there a girl in our room?*
Hyde Potter: *whispering* That's not a girl, it's a boy!
Die Weasly: yeah yeah whatever you don't love the Gacktemort, I'm not talking to you.
Die Weasly, to shinya: soo, how you doin'!
Shinya Granger: *giggle* silly boys, let's go! *flipping his hair, walking away with swaying hips*
Die Weasly: *drools* ok Shinya-chan, I'll do anything for you!
Hyde Potter: o_O;;

Back at the dorms. Hyde is brooding on the bed, cause he thinks he's so doomed with the magic gacktemort mark on his navel. Die is sitting on his bed staring at Shinya who is putting his dresses in his closet.

Hyde: I'm so doomed!!

*crickets chirp*

Die: soo, Shin-chan, what is a innocent girl like you doing in a men's dormroom?
Shinya: muttering Baka under his breath. *giggles* 'I guess there's a mistake sweet Die-kun, but don't you want me to stay?' *wink*

Our heroes decide to attend their first class ever. They head for the classroom.

Kaoru Snape: EXPELLIARMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *weird j-rock look on his face* *ray shoots at Hyde Potter*
Hyde: *ducks and looks shocked*
Kaoru Snape: O...hehe...POTTER! didn't mean it....really..
Hyde: O, ok, then everything is allright!^_^ *sits down happily*

When everyone is seated.

Kaoru Snape: Ok ladies and gentlemen and POTTER!
Hyde: o_O;;
Kaoru Snape: Today we'll learn about the love and live of our beautiful Gacktemort. He's the one that gives me the strenght and will to get out of bed everyday instead of just lying and starve to death out of misery. *love in his eyes*
Whole class: *sweatdrop*

Kaoru Snape: Don't you just love the beautifulness of our beloved leader? I used to give him a nickname! Gackt!! weird huh! aaah I want to tell you everything about him cause I love him and it's clearly, but I keep it hidden so mister POTTER here won't think I work for the dark side, so I just pretend to be the anti-hero. *starts rambling about Gacktemorts ass*

Class: *sweatdrop some more, starts backing away slowly*

In the hallway the obsessed teacher could still be heard...

Kaoru: ...and this one time, me and Gacktemort were stuck in this elevator for 3 days....without any clothes on!! *swoons*

Hyde: What's with this school? This Kaoru guy really seems to hate me, he almost killed me!
Die: nah, he said it wasn't on purpose, you're just jealous!
Hyde: Of what?
Die: That he was stuck in an elevator with Lord Gacktemort for 3 days without any clothes!
Hyde: euh...yeah...that must be it o_O;;
Die: SEE!
Hyde: you are supposed to be my friend you know... -_-
Die: you...that's it, I'm your friend..really...o_O;;

Shinya: *pout* I feel neglected Die-kun! Please walk me back to my dorm!
Die: *ignores Hyde and walks back with Shinya*

Hyde: Le sigh...This Shinya guy is weird!

Hyde decides to go back to his room and go to sleep, he's had enough of this day. Weird stuff seemed to go on at Hogwarts acadamy. Everyone seemed to hate him. That wasn't that weird, cause he was the one restraining Gacktemort from bringing his evil vanilla powers into this world. But something else was going on. Normally they wouldn't be so open about loving Lord Gacktemort. And what was it about Snape almost killing him? and Shinya? He was pretty weird too, and Die loving Shinya till the end of the world..hmm, He should try to figure out this plot.
And so Hyde fell asleep after a tiring day of magic.

The next morning was anounced with a shriek coming from Shinya.


Hyde woke up with a shock.

Hyde: what did I do?
SHinya: YOU!! YOU KILLED MY CAT!! my cute little bigglesworth!! NOOO! HE's dead!!!! *pointing at the rotten corpse of a cat hanging from it's leash on the curtain rail*
Hyde: You mean that thing there is your cat? It must be dead for weeks then. How can I ever have done that??
Shinya: It doesn't matter, you get blamed for everything anyway! YOU DID IT!
Die: HYDE!! How could you do that??!?! My lovely Shinya's cat, moldy!! and kinda fuzzy!

Guards appear from nowhere and take Hyde with them and throw him in prison. THe shrieking of a crying Shinya still heard throughout the whole school.

The next day was planned for Hyde Potters beheading. He was brought out into the garden square. The whole school was yelling and throwing stuff at him. He was put on the little stage and his head was placed on a wooden block.


Kyo appeared!!

Kyo: *with Dobbey voice* Kyo has come to warn you sir!
Hyde: What is it now?!
Kyo: something has been plotted against you!
Hyde: You don't say... -_-

Kyo: I just thought I'd tell you you're in danger. *muttering* You don't have to go all bitchy on me but nooo, blah -_-
*dissapears in a puff of smoke*

Hyde: Why does that guy with the axe and the mask look so much like Professor Snape?

Axe-man: I'm *cough* *fakes a high pitched voice* I'm not Kaoru Snape! I'm just a random person, making a living by killing innocent little POTTERS!!!

Hyde: o_O; You are Kaoru Snape!

Axe-man: No I'm not!

Hyde: HA! You didn't use your high-piched voice! You are!!

Axe-man: *high-pitched voice* I'm not though...

Hyde: -_- Bitch...

Axe-man: WHAT!! NOBODY CALLS ME BITCH! *raises axe in the sky*


*pop* *pop*

2 fairies popped out of nowhere, It's Toshiya and Miyavi!

Toshiya: can we help Hyde Potter?

Hyde: you could make sure I'm not being killed..but It's just a thought..

Miyavi: hey! Don't tak bad to my cute wittle *pouty face* sweet sexay love-slave...euh..I mean Toshiya!!

Hyde: o_O;;

Toshiya: doesn't matter Miyavi-sama, You're the cutest sweetest little master I ever had, please tie me to that block of wood and make sweet lovin' to me!

Miyavi throws Toshiya on the block and starts ravishing him.

Hyde: *muffled voice* Maybe untie me first? o_O

Miyavi: ah *scratches head* yeah, sure. *twirls with his fairy wand* You're free!

Hyde is being magically released.

Hyde: aaah, ok, this has been enough, I'm going home right NOW!


*evil cackle from the sky*

*random shouting voice* OH NO!!

Gacktemort: Did you forget about me? Hyde Potter!?!

Hyde: *gasps* It's Lord Gacktemort! nooooooooo!

Gacktemort: HAHAHAHAHA I'll destroy the whole world now with only one song!! HAHAHAHAHA

*music tunes in from nowhere*

*deatheaters start playing their instruments (not those instruments...pervs)*


Everyone: IT BUUUURNS!!!!!

Gacktemort: AI SHITEMO II KAI! YURERI YORU NI! *tries to dance*

*Gacktemort molests his Deatheaters*

World: Noooooooooooo!!!

Hyde: *gasps* I think I'm falling in love!!!! *drools over Gackts purastic face*

Gacktemort: BULGES UNITE!!!

Hyde: He's my dream-man! OMG he roxx0rz!!! aaah! and the sexy dance!!!


*music stops*

Gacktemort: AAAH! WHAT NOW!! Can't you see? I'm busy taking over the world!! *purastic pout*

Hyde: Gacktemort!! *points his wand*...I have a proposal, If you stop destroying the world *points at half of the students with bleeding ears* I'll be you love-bitch forever, We are made for each other!!! *glomps*

Gacktemort: *thinks* hmmm give me one good reason why I would want to have YOU as my love-bitch?

You (one of the deatheaters): me?^_^

Gacktemort: -_-;; NO! not YOU, Hyde POTTER!!

Hyde: *thinks hard* cause I can put a knot in the stick of a cherry with my tongue??

World: oooh!!

Hyde: And besides, I'm really bendy!^_^

Gacktemort: *rubs chin, trying to put his eyebrows together, but fails cause of the Botox* hmmmm......ok!^_^

Gacktemort: Come my bendy love-bitch! We shall leave this place and go to my cosy love-cave!

Gacktemort takes Hyde with him to have hot boysex with him, Hogwarts goes to hell. Die and Shinya live long happily ever after and Toshiya and Miyavi have lots of fun playing on the little stage in the gardensquare.



Shinya and Die on their wedding night in a hotel in Vegas...

Die: OMG!!! YOU'RE A BOY!!!!
Shinya: Baka...-_-;;

~The real end~

sooo I hope you like it!^_^

oh, Just so you know, this was written on a serious Cocacola-high, It's probably full of spelling errors, but please bear with me:P It was an impulse
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